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ok so here goes:) slice me apart guys. its my favorite part of… - For those looking to give and get worthy critiques

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April 7th, 2005

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12:39 pm
ok so here goes:)
slice me apart guys. its my favorite part of editing:)

the storm outside
The storm outside has blown drifts up to our windows.
Drafts creep in through invisible cracks
make us bundle up in wool
or fleece.
Blankets are piled up on the beds as we huddle on the couch.
The cold drives us closer together,
for security,
to stave off the lonely screaming wind.
We close our eyes and sigh.
Icy clouds of breath surrounding our heads
scald our lips.
In the warmth of day you smell like cold spring nights.
This bone chilling evening spas all your flavor.
I feel like you not even here.
You share no warmth with me tonight.
I want to suck on your mouth to make sure you're really with me.
That you still have taste.
So I will know your still beside me,
not some strange snow creature
sent to bleed the warmth from my blood.
Some frosty illusion.
My skin itches like paper,
flaking and peeling away under your hands.
And you blow away in snow.

(1 comment | Leave a comment)


[User Picture]
Date:April 24th, 2005 12:08 am (UTC)
the only thing that i would have to say about it is that you should lose the "or fleece"

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